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Another Path…

I often wonder about the way that my life unfolded in order to bring me to the here and now.

Was all the pain for a reason?
The mistakes simply bridges back onto the road of my life?
The bad decisions a way for the good decisions to emerge from the darkness?

I often couldn’t see past the minute details of whatever circumstance or situation was occurring. But I have, through time learned to look past the immediate and gaze into the wonder of the bigger picture being constructed behind the obvious everyday events.  In hindsight I can see that everything that has occurred, be it good bad or indifferent, all occurred exactly the way it should have in order for me to find myself in the present moment.

Now in 69 days or less a new journey will begin, one that has been forming itself throughout the course of my life, but has only now been able to come to pass, with the drastic and dynamic change that have taken place throughout the past two years.

I still sometimes wonder how I ended up where I am today.

How did I escape the sadness of life to discover the absolute miracles that are weaved in and out of each moment of the day? All I did was want something different in my life something better, something more fulfilling, something that felt right. The only thing I knew how to do at the moment was to….

Write.
Write.
Write.

And life, as crazy as it sounds seemed to organize itself in an orchestration of coincidences that led me onto the path leading me to the present point in time.

Could it have been that simple?
Was there something more occurring?

Now with Motherhood approaching I often think about my child, my daughter and the paths of her own life. The journey and the discoveries she will encounter along the way. As much as I know the pain and glory of my own journey, there is a greater part of me that prays  she will never have to experience the heartache that I have known.

But it will be her path, her journey and her life…I am only her guide through the process. Yet my hope is that I will have the capacity to lead her, until she is able to do so herself.

Signing Off

As of late I have not been writing as much as I used to. The words don’t seem to flow from within the way that they used to and rather than try to force something upon the page I have been just allowing myself to go with the flow waiting for the time when my inspiration will return.

I believe much of it is due to the fact that everything in my life at the moment is very balanced and good. I tend to be able to reach the deepest when I am going through some sort of struggle and lately there has been no struggle what so ever.

In fact there has been nothing but good all around me.

I have decided that I will be taking some time off for the next few weeks, allowing myself to concentrate on some other areas of creativity that I have neglected through the course of my writing. But I do have some news that I would like to share before I sign off.

I’m going to be a Mommy.

See you all when I get back!!!!!!

Blast from the past

I’ll be signing off for a few weeks but thought I would share a favorite with you all…

______________________________The Process of Becoming________________________________

Everyday I sit on a bench surrounded by this great big trimmed hedge in my mothers garden, sipping my coffee and slowly introducing myself to the new day. I love to sit and feel the Sun’s gentle morning kiss upon my face as the sweet, milky flavor of the coffee rolls on my tongue. I take as much time as necessary allowing myself to fully absorb the beauty all around me as I search out every color of the rainbow in the garden….

The red that explodes on the petals of the impatients.
The orange tinge outlining the edges of the sunflowers.
The yellow of tall wild yarrow.
The green of the leaves that sway in the wind.
The blue of the bright morning sky.
The violet that peeks out of the lavender bushes that perfumes the air.

As of late, each new day presents another lost color, another wilted stem and the reality of winters fast approach, as mother nature begin preparing for her last dance of color in her magnificent display of the autumn season.

The bees that buzz around, fight over the last of the flowers that adorn that garden. Covered in pollen they covet this precious commodity, knowing full well this is the end of the supply till the next spring makes it’s grand entrance.

The Butterflies….they dance.

Flower to flower.
Tree to tree.
Leaf to leaf.

Wherever the next breeze guides them.

A vibrant display of the grand design of the universe, delicately painted upon their wings as they playfully, float and flutter in the wind. A carefree lesson of life is what I feel as I watch them waltzing through the air. Their fragile beauty, a potent source of strength for my inner spirit as I embrace the wonder and awe they present to me.

Their time as butterflies is short and the process that leads them to themselves is one of absolute transformation.

They don’t begin this life as the beautiful exquisite creatures they are…they begin as something else. A little spot on a leaf is how their life begins, from here they emerge as little worms: caterpillars munching away at the life source around them. They grow by shedding layers of skin, different layers of their existence, until at one point this skin, becomes the home for their next transformation.

Even today it is not know fully how a butterfly comes about. Housed within a shell of itself…..it completely liquefies, then slowly reorganizes itself, transforming into the delicate, dancing delight that floats about.

As of late I feel such a connection with these butterflies I see gliding before me. They show me, without words…the power of transformation. The power of releasing myself of what I was..the power of allowing myself and my beliefs to liquefy in the here and now…the power of permitting myself to become more then I can conceive.

Who I am, who I was and who I want to be are all part of the same.

Each contributes to the other, melting away and yielding as they they liquefying. No longer separate beliefs, ideas or experiences…but all parts of the whole of who I am.

The butterfly isn’t a new creature, it always is the same caterpillar it began this life with. It carries with it always, the parts of itself it has shed. All the pieces and every experience becomes the catalyst for it’s transformation. Without it’s past contributing to it’s future self…..it would be impossible for it to be what it is.

An expression of choice, freedom, awareness and total self-acceptance of every aspect of its being….

Dancing in the wind, it flutters gently around the very edge of my consciousness. It’s beauty a delicate reminder of who I really am. A way for me to recognize the truth of the opportunity I have in each moment to embrace all the aspect of myself in a silent surrender of healing to become the absolute and magnificent creatures I am.

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If you enjoyed this post you may also enjoy the following……….

~The Spaces In-Between
~Love Falling
~Magic Shoes
~Simply Beautiful
~ It takes Courage


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