The Process of a Miracle.

I grew up with a lot of misconceived notions about what life was about and what it wasn’t about and through much of what I was taught I sprouted my own beliefs. None of, by the way, served me very well.

I felt alone for much of my life and I used this feeling to drive a wedge between myself and the world at large, creating the lonely life I drifted through wondering what was wrong with me. It took many years, a lot of self-inflicted pain, a lot of self loathing and constant self-hatred until I finally became willing to see that what I believed about life wasn’t the life I really wanted to believed in.

There was always something within me that screamed for me to take another look, to walk through the paralyzing fears and insecurities that plagued me….but I didn’t know how and I didn’t know it was possible. I felt that the light of understanding that begged to shine from my spirit was not something to be embraced.

My world was created, formed and molded into a place of half truths and lies of which I wandered, looking for SOMETHING, ANYTHING to make sense.

….But nothing did. So I lingered, lost for a long, long time convinced that life was nothing more then the struggle and loneliness that each new day pained me with.

I thought I was alone.
I thought no one understood me.

When I began to open myself up to people, to express my feelings and my thoughts I began to realize that my words, my pain, my hurt, my struggles; the experience of my life began the process of opening a doorway that continues to lead me to a greater place of understanding.

I built a bridge back to life.

I discovered that many people felt the same way I did, hurt the same way I did, struggled the same way I did. I found out that most people felt the exact same way as I did…they just hid it better.

I also discovered the therapeutic value of one person helping another. I have learned that I am only as alone as I make myself. I have learned that the loving, kind embrace of the universe is always there, waiting for me to acknowledge it’s presence.

When I finally got clean I was faced with a choice of continuing to live my life based in the ideas that had not worked for me or to open myself up to the possibility that there was another way to think, believe, feel and experience this life.

Once I became willing….Life knocked on the door of my spirit and for the first time in my life, I answered the call. I became willing to be more, I became willing to embrace all the aspects of myself, I became willing to believe that I wasn’t alone and I discovered through time….

I am never alone.

This site is here only because of the steps I took in walking through the fears of the uncertainty of living my dreams. It exists because I reached out to the universe at large in the only way that I knew how and it responded in the one way I could understand.

Words.

My words were the figurative extension of my hand as I reached for help in trying to understand this life I live….and my hand was grasped and touched by an angel.

This site is not owned by me, it is here only because of someone who believed in me, who believed in my journey and didn’t want me to stop. It is owned by someone I have never met in this physical life and whose path I crossed only in this blogging world.

His name is Denny…aka RVNX11

For whatever reason…he always comes to me at the right time, at the exact moment I need his words of support and encouragement. If you don’t know who Denny is, he is the author of the blog Backwoods Drifter and Bolt Mountain.

Our paths crossed online when I was beginning my journey and while he was in the midst of coming to terms with the events of his own life. At a point in time when the both of us were trying to understand the certain aspect of our own lives that screamed injustice. Realizing as of late, that these very different circumstances of our own separate lives had brought us to the moment where our lives impacted.

And now he passed this onto me…..

and this is why….

“No, I’m not an angel. The graphic basically means that I understand what you are going through and you are not alone. That’s what it means to me. It could mean more depending on who uses it and the circumstances. I want to give this graphic to anybody that wishes to use it. It’s cool to be kind and to let people know they are not alone. If you use it you don’t have to link back here but please let the recipient know of it’s purpose. I think it would be cool to see where this goes in the next eleven days. I want to see how far this angel can fly and how many lives it touches.

I’m going to send it to New York right off the bat to my friend Morgan. Morgan is a recovering addict and telling about her struggles as well as her accomplishments. I feel for her because I know what it is like to want something so bad you would be willing to do anything to get it. I also know about putting it behind you and the struggles caused by simply doing the right thing.

Mighty Morgan you have been touched by an Angel. I understand the struggles you face on a daily basis please accept this graphic and know that you are not alone.”

Denny is a man that embodies the whole of the meaning “Random Acts of Kindness.” Everything he has done for me as well as the other people in his life, he does simply out of the kind, goodness of his heart and for that I love him more then any person I have ever met in this life thus far. He represents the creative manifestation of the world I choose to live in.

A person choosing to be good and kind, for no other reason except that he chooses to be kind and good because he can.

There are others in this world of blogs and the internet that have touched my spirit much like Denny and for that I would like to pass this on to you my friend Rolando from Rplayground.