The Process of a Miracle.

I awoke at exactly four am last night.

Eyes wide open, my heart pounding in my chest, groping in the darkness for something to pull me out of the dream I was stuck in. Since I have been a little girl there are several dreams that have consistently repeated themselves throughout the course of my life; This one more so than any other.

It takes place in somewhat of a lucid dream state, the kind where your not really sure if your sleeping or if your really awake; making it all the more vivid and haunting in the first few minutes when I come out of it.

I dream the world as I know it ends.

I don’t know how it particularly starts, but what I do recall is that there are people everywhere, trying to escape to somewhere in a flurry of motion and hysterical panic…and then in a blip of a moment everyone is gone.

The world as I know it in the here and now no longer exists.

Cars don’t work.
There is no electricity.
The wheels of technology that this world churns upon no longer turns.
Only the ghostly and eerie silence of the world as it is brought to a total and complete halt.

Just me and the random traveler that I find myself with remain. The person in the dream changes as I have grown older and as new people, places and faces cross my path in life. But other then that there is no-one.

We look for everyone else…
We wonder what happened…
And we wander searching for anyone else we can connect to.

Then I awake….

The effects of this dream lingered throughout the day. Tap, tap, tapping on the window pane of my consciousness, leaving me with a nagging feeling that I had forgotten something important.

When I began my trek home from work today it gave me time to process the remnants and to really think of the implications of the meaning it may have in regards to my life at this point in time.

I started thinking of how all of the things I get so preoccupied with on a day to day basis would ultimately cease to be of any relative importance in the case of my dream.

Bills would become obsolete.
My phone would cease to ring.
There would be no computer.
Having my own house wouldn’t matter.
My credit score that haunts me would vanish.
Money wouldn’t hold any value.
Cars would not hold any prestige or glory.

The elements that define the fabric of the reality I am weaved in, all the little details that at some point or another I have allowed to dictate my existence would cease to matter…..because the truth of it all is, it’s not as important as I believe.

In fact it is only as important as I allow my beliefs about them to be.

Throughout this dream is the constant, unwavering desire to find people, to discover if there is anyone left, to determine if I will ever connect to others again.

Is my family alive?
Will I see them again?
Are any of my friends left?
Will I ever hug my nieces and nephews again?

As I continue in this process of broadening my perspective, changing my beliefs, and working towards creating a life based upon my newly found principles of self-freedom; I still get caught up in the whirlwind of thoughts inside my mind. I forget the eternal lesson that my life has presented to me time and time again in so many ways…..

Nothing outside of me matters as much as what is inside of me.

Love matters.
Compassion matters.
Kindness matters.
Gratitude matters.
Laughter matters.
Friendship matters.
I matter.
Others matter.
Life matters.

These are what leads me down this path of self-discovery I have been traveling upon. These are the forces that continue to nudge and guide me forward, even when I’m too tired to take one more step forward. These would be the only things that truly took precedent in my life if my dream were the reality I walked in.

Then it came to me that regardless of my dream, the underlying truth was that these are the only things truly matter. Anything above and beyond them is just an added bonus.

My pursuit of happiness, freedom and self-discovery are not grounded in the material or prestige aspects of life. They are rooted in the elements of what makes me so unique and special…the parts of me, that are the parts of you, pieces of me, pieces of you…all strokes of brilliance that make this unique picture puzzle of life come together.

The force of these intangible yet very real forces are the ties that binds us all together, it is the essence of what leads me to discover more of who I am and more of who I want to be.

In my pursuit to find myself, I continue to discover others.
As I continue to find others…I continue to find myself.