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Taking a break

I’m sad right now.
Disappointed in myself.

Lonely.

All day I had this nagging feeling inside, something just didn’t feel right…

I didn’t feel right.
I felt uncomfortable.
I FEEL uncomfortable.

I had a dream last week which I wrote about in the post “The End of My World” in which I discovered that the one thing that really matters in life is the connection I have with myself and the connection I have with others.

In my pursuit to find myself, I continue to discover others.
As I continue to find others…I continue to find myself.

I though I was moving in the right direction in my life.
I though I had come to a level of acceptance of myself.
I though I was okay with being me.
I though for a moment I was okay.

I’m not okay.

When I began this journey I made a decision that I would be willing to go to any lengths to free myself from limits I have created throughout the course of my life. I made a tremendous amount of progress in so many areas and on so many different levels.

I never thought that in the process of rediscovering myself that I would also be limiting myself in new and creative ways. I thought that I could figure this all out, that by myself I could recreate myself as well as my life.

Since I started writing…I stopped living.

All the hopes and dreams I write about are becoming nothing more then fluffy words on a computer screen.

I am using this as a way to not live my life.

I may or may not be taking a few days off.
I haven’t made a decision yet.
Whatever I have gone through in my life, no matter what I have always written. But as of late I realized I haven’t been living, I’ve been hiding out thinking I had all the answers and that I didn’t need anyone.

I was at a meeting a little over a week ago and as I listened to the speaker share his experience, strength and hope…something inside of me opened up. A piece of me that had shut off a little over two years ago, started working again.

I forgot I need people.
That I don’t have to do this all alone.
That it’s okay to ask for help.
That I can open myself up to people one on one, instead of hiding here behind my words and thoughts.

I have received so much love, support and encouragement from so many of you. For that I could never fully express my gratitude…but for the moment, something new is about to be revealed to me and I need to address it before it consumes me.

I just need to get some clarity…..
Get connected to people…
Sort through the confusion I feel surging through me..

I need to plug back into life…..and then I will be back.

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This entry was written by mighty and posted on October 22, 2007 at 10:58 pm and filed under Beliefs, Goals, living. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post. Post a comment(Latest is displayed first) or leave a trackback: Trackback URL.

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11 Comments so far (Add 1 more)

  1. Hi again Morgan,

    Make the most of your time away and come back feeling refreshed and alive!!!

    I have a BreakOut Blogger award for you at http://grottynosh.wordpress.com/2007/10/29/more-awards-2/ whenever you’re ready to pick it up :)

    You have achieved so much and deserve it, congratulations to you :)

    Hugs and take care
    Colin

    1. Colin on October 29th, 2007 at 7:36 pm

  2. Hi Morgan, just seeing if you’re back. Miss you.

    2. Rolando on October 28th, 2007 at 11:25 am

  3. Those “Fluffy words” are digital. Get out in the real world and make more friends.

    3. Dave Lucas on October 27th, 2007 at 4:34 pm

  4. Dear Morgan,
    I cannot say that I know exactly how you feel about this but perhaps I can safely say that of all the posts Ive read from you, this one I can relate to the most. I started blogging even before blogging has started to break out as it is now. My blog over at Xanga, and it has become sort of a World ive been living. I immersed myself in writing things in my heart and mind, in a way, it’s like i purge myself from all my insecurities and fears. I felt so free knowing that Im writing under the context as an anonymous person. But along with that freedom I also felt like Im slowly drifting away from reality. Then something happend and I stopped blogging until I found it again just recently. But this time, my blogs are so different from my personal writings. I try to stay away from writing too personally not because Im afraid to say the things inside me but because I don’t want to go back into that kind of writing again. TO the point that it affects me and makes me worse. Ive read some of your posts but i dont think I even responded to anyone. Somehow, I feel like Im finding myself in you,even in a different way. I know we have different struggles, but somehow the same. I guess i just wanted to say that I do feel what you’ve written here, somehow. Take care.

    4. lost girl on October 27th, 2007 at 11:54 am

  5. You are well thought of. Please feel that if you need to write and share your thoughts with some one, I’m an excellent listener. As well it may help to continually articulate what you’re feeling and let your friends in to minister to you. Don’t hesitate to write if you get the urge! I’m only a mouse click away! :)

    5. jon on October 25th, 2007 at 9:06 pm

  6. Hi Morgan,

    Sometimes we all need that break, a bit of time to do as we please away from the confines of the blogging world. It’s a necessity of life itself, so take time out, chill, see new faces, familiar faces and step back into reality.

    When you return you have asweet treat to collect here http://grottynosh.wordpress.com/2007/10/25/halloween-sweet-treat/

    In the meantime, take care, take time to smell the flowers and observe what is happening around you.

    Hugs to you my friend

    6. Colin on October 25th, 2007 at 12:48 pm

  7. It happens to everyone of us, we spend so much of our time online that we begin to forget their is also a Real world out their. I would definitely suggest you to take a break.

    Go out, enjoy nature , Hangout with your buddies , stay away from your blog and if possible the PC for a while and when you come back you will be fully recharged and raring to go with new thoughts and Perspectives of life.

    7. ashwin on October 24th, 2007 at 2:28 pm

  8. I understand what you’re going through Morgan. As you know I’m also taking a blogging break to get back in touch with life.

    Like you said, ‘All the hopes and dreams I write about are becoming nothing more then fluffy words on a computer screen.’ I know this well.

    I need to get back into the field of life. I hope to meet you there so we can experience it together even though we’re miles apart. Then we can come back recharged to again share our experience, our life.

    8. Rolando on October 23rd, 2007 at 11:23 pm

  9. Take the time you need! I know how easy it is to hide behind your words and hang online all time. Like the real life is here and everything else is only something we need to survive. The real world is out there with people and face to face meetings. The Internet and blogging is a wonderful way to get to know other people, to write about your thoughts and discover who you are, but life is where you live amongst the people you have around you and I think it is a good thing you have discovered that.

    I have used the Internet since before WWW and at times I have to shut it down and let it go. Go out in the real world where you can be hurt, but also loved. I know you will be able to figure this out too, you’ve done so much already.

    Take care,
    Susie

    9. Susie on October 23rd, 2007 at 3:59 pm

  10. Sorry… I couldn’t let it go at those simple words.

    A while back I wrote a post and in that post I said that although we all have friends on the internet we are all basically faceless people in nameless places. I could sit here and write words of encouragement for days and when it came right down to it, it would make no difference. Sometimes what the recipient of those encouraging words really needs is just a hug. I truly wish I could reach across the internet and give you a big hug Morgan because it sounds like you could use one.

    But in the spirit of the internet and because it’s all I have to work with…

    *BBBIIIGGGG HHHUUUUUGGGGG*

    denny

    10. denny on October 23rd, 2007 at 11:05 am

  11. Take care of yourself my friend…

    11. denny on October 23rd, 2007 at 10:23 am

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