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Surrender

Surrender to win.

Give up, let go, relinquish control and feel the true essence of powerlessness. Within the the depths of inner surrender comes the greatest power of self-freedom one can ever experience.

I grew up with a lot of preconceived notions about the meanings of many words. It never occurred for me to look any further then the various vowels and consonants words were composed of or the limited meanings I held of them within my conscious mind. I never looked beneath their subtle disguise to embrace the greater truth they held within them….

To grasp the potential power they held within them.

The idea of surrender went against the grain of my being that demanded that I never give up, never relinquish control, never let em’ see me sweat and never ever, ever admit to defeat. I spent a lot of time hiding behind the masks of self-control that I wore on a daily basis, lost in the idea that if I could just convince the world at large that I was okay, then I would be okay……..but I wasn’t.

I was a big emotional cesspool…toxic to myself and toxic to others.

I willingly traveled to the very edge of my own life before I became willing to…

Admit defeat.
Give up.
Relinquish control.

Surrender….and admit my own powerlessness.

This has and continues to be the defining moment of inner defeat that opens the doorways to another way. The inner silence that follows a surrender of any kind, leads me quietly to the path of acceptance that begins the journey of healing.

There is something within me that would rather have me suffer in the distorted comfort of the lies I hold as truth. But within me also, deep within me, is a places that can’t ever be harmed by lies or by truths.

Within the core of myself exists the essentials of my being with the capacity to spark the eternal process of allowing my inner self, my inner spirit, me; to be more then I have permitted myself to be.

But only and if, I surrender first.

I FEEL the frustration that bubbles as anxiety in my bones.
I FEEL the anger boil in my blood.
I FEEL the disappointment crawling under my skin.
I FEEL the bitterness at the back of my throat.

I FEEL the defeat and it’s battle to exist within….and I surrender to it.

I don’t try to change the feelings…… (Control)
I don’t ignore the validity of them…..(Denial)
I don’t act out to eradicate them…….(Justification)

I don’t attempt to validate them either.…..(Acceptance)

I just let them be what they are….guideposts that lead me to the inner peace I truly desire. The forces that guide me to the path I choose to walk upon……the journey that leads me home and closer to who I choose to be

Surrender to win!

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This entry was written by mighty and posted on November 5, 2007 at 7:57 am and filed under Spiritual Principles. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post. Post a comment(Latest is displayed first) or leave a trackback: Trackback URL.

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10 Comments so far (Add 1 more)

  1. Thank you for you input Patricia…I think you covered all the aspects i missed! And very well at that I may add!
    Control being an illusion was a tough pill to swallow at first, but understanding the freedom that this “truth” would offer mode the transition of understanding to comprehension and application so much simpler!
    Still today i keep finding more “illusions” that I have run after for years…I like the freedom that relinquishing control provides me with!

    1. mighty on November 9th, 2007 at 9:39 pm

  2. When I first ran across the idea of surrender in a 12-Step program, I didn’t understand it. I didn’t like the idea that I was powerless either. I thought the I was so in control of my life and my world. The reality was that I was out of control and didn’t want to know it. Not being in control was just too frightening and too much like my childhood living with incest and betrayal. I tried to control everything so that I would never be hurt that way again. The reality was that I was hurting myself and those that I loved and wanted to protect the most. Surrender and admitting to being powerless gave me the freedom to let go of my illusion of being in control. Control is always just an illusion. It is one that I held on to with all of my might. I let go and surrendered when I realized that I wasn’t happy and nothing that I was doing was working. When I surrendered and admitted to my powerlessness, I found me. This is a wonderful article. Your courage and committment to your recovery come through in each of your articles that I have read.

    2. Patricia on November 9th, 2007 at 8:43 pm

  3. Susie…
    Thank you for your viewpoint as it relates to so many other aspects of who we are as people. You are right…the amount of energy expended in trying to force a solution, is typically the means to only perpetuate the problem or situation

    3. mighty on November 6th, 2007 at 2:37 pm

  4. Rolando….lol I often find loopholes as well…..those tend to be my “enemies” justification and rationalization. They have the capacity to find loopholes in any train of thought!
    The freedom in n longer having to hide the truth of any given situation is the whole point behind surrender…that why ya gotta LET GO!!!! or be dragged as we say here in NY.
    a point o remember is that we ourselves are powerless over anything outside ourselves…the power we have is within us, within our thoughts and our reactions to situations…..

    4. mighty on November 6th, 2007 at 2:36 pm

  5. Speedy…I’m with you in the understanding of how much better life has become since the last time I used any mind or mood altering substance…It was hard…mentally and physically….but the days that followed that initial surrender in relation to using have definitely been better.

    5. mighty on November 6th, 2007 at 2:32 pm

  6. I can relate to surrendering to powerlessness. Sometimes we put so much energy in fighting something that we can’t find the right solution to the problem or there isn’t enough energy left to find a solution. It’s like fighting windmills, we fight something that might not be the real problem. By surrendering we give ourselves the time to see the real problem and we reease energy to find a real solution that work for us.

    6. Susie on November 6th, 2007 at 5:03 am

  7. Hi Morgan, I wish I can let go and relinquish control. Problem with me is that I always seem to find a loop hole. ok maybe not always, but most times.

    The sense of freedom that I received was that I no longer had to hide the truth of my situation. The truth, the surrender had set me free. It was the lowest I could go at the time and there was only one direction to go and that was up.

    It wasn’t straight up, but it was an upward direction, lol

    The memory still tugs at me, but I’m better able to deal with it now. I don’t know if you or anyone could have surrendered first. When you’re in that zone, you probably don’t even realize there’s a problem. You’ll handle it tomorrow. . .

    Now I believe it’s just a matter of controlling whatever tempts us. Whether it be drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, etc. There is too much as stake, including lives, your life.

    I’m glad that ‘life’ is your guidepost now. You’ve won already!

    7. Rolando on November 5th, 2007 at 6:35 pm

  8. Mighty, you have to be one of the most sane people on the planet. Your blog is one that always has such deep and defining words. Often I read them more than once, because you pack so much emotion into a small space.
    I remember finally admiting that I was powerless over the alcohol in my life. It was so hard to do… I’m not sure why. Ever day after that has been better because of this :-)

    8. Eric "Speedcat Hollydale" on November 5th, 2007 at 4:18 pm

  9. Hey AntiBarbie thanks for stopping by.
    I agree with you on the helplessness factor in some respects….but in regards to powerlessness I’m not referring to helplessness. When I write about acceptance and powerlessness, I write in relation to the paradox that one finds in discovering their own personal power through these principles…..
    think of WWII and Japan’s surrender to the US….when they finally gave up(surrendered, relinquished control) they opened a doorway which led them to become one of the most powerful countries in the world.

    9. mighty on November 5th, 2007 at 3:47 pm

  10. I don’t know. I think there is a large difference between helplessness and acceptance. Helplessness often carries a victim mentality with it.

    10. AntiBarbie on November 5th, 2007 at 11:37 am

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