The Process of a Miracle.

Only when one can truly experience the moment through the eyes of acceptance. The path of change that leads to healing will never be seen, nor can it be traveled.

I held a solid 4.0 grade point average studying Anatomy and Physiology I & II, Calculus, Physics as well as other classes.

I worked as a home health aid caring for a 78 year old woman recovering from congestive heart failure and a a broken hip.

I was one of twenty students chosen to study within the Physical Therapist Program.

I was listed on the Honor roll as well as the Dean’s list.

But beneath these pretty little decorations I adorned myself with..I was a full time lying, thieving, stone cold heroin addict.

I thought I hid the “other” part of my life from those around me…..but I was the only one who couldn’t see the truth that I desperately tried to camouflage beneath my academic accomplishments and care taking responsibilities.

At a very early age I started to only show people what I thought they wanted to see so that no one could ever see the aspects of myself I despised. I thought if I could convince everyone around me of the validity of my life based upon the outer aspects of myself, then all the other “stuff” wouldn’t exist.

But it still existed.

Through the years it grew and morphed and devoured any self-love, confidence, esteem and well being I may have once had. The lower forces of justification, rationalization and denial demanded to be fed with lies of insanity that manifested and grew as the very existence that I painted my life upon.

Of all spiritual principles I apply within my life, acceptance is ironically the one that I at times deny the most. I know the freedom of self that comes along with taking responsibility for the conditions of my life, but……..

Sometimes I don’t want to own up to that!

There are times where it seems easier to point the proverbial fingers of blame at anything and everything outside of myself. The truth be told, swallowing the pill of personal responsibility for the life I have created at times leaves a bitter taste of remorse for the choices I have made.

But I know also that acceptance is not about feeling bad about what I did or did not do with my life, it’s more about finding relief from the cycle of poor decisions that have continually plagued me throughout my life.

It gives me the ability to look at my life, look at myself, look at my part and to discern HOW to not arrive at the destination of self-inflicted pain.

It offers me a choice.(Honesty of self)
It offers me hope. (Open-mindedness)
It offers me freedom of self. (Willingness)

I have learned that acceptance in all it’s glory is simply an opportunity for me to redefine, recreate and reclaim my life.

We all have those moments of truth within our experiences, whatever they may be. Where we are presented with the possibility of a different choice for a different reality. A small glimmer of light that reveals a portion of a new path of experience to walk upon.

We become willing to see that there might be another way.

Acceptance of any given circumstance is simply like a map with a little yellow star that says, “You are here”

Life does not offer a visual map so to speak, but it does offer us an internal map. I know for myself I have denied the existence of this internal map, doing whatever I could to eradicate the aspects of it I did not prefer.

My feelings have and always will be my map for the reality of my life.

Through the process of recovery I have come to know the validity of my emotions and the part they play within the conditions of my life. When I am struggling in any manner or aspect of self, I FEEL resistance, an inner discontent which often feels like…

Frustration.
Depression.
Anger.
Resentment.
Fear.
Hatred.

When I feel these aspects of myself, I know the resistance that comes about in response to a situation is an opportunity for me to free myself from another aspect of the emotional prison I have locked myself into throughout the years.

These emotions when active present me with the opportunity to discover how I want to feel about a situation and the actions I need to take within my own life to move myself from a place of “here” to “there”.

Worse—>bad—> not so bad—> better.
Hate—>dislike—> like—> love.
Depression—>a bit down—>sadness—>hopeful—>happy.
Resentment—>blame—>hurt—>responsibility—>empowerment.
Fear—> less fearful—>indifferent—>balanced—>faith.

Only when I accept where I am fully, see a situation for what it is, FEEL exactly where I am. Only then can I make the decision to move out of the place I am emotionally to discover a better place for me to exist in emotionally.

I can make a choice to love myself enough to know that I deserve better then I give myself at times.

Acceptance reveals the map within that we all have that leads us to a place of greater self love….leads us to who we really are and who we truly want to be.

Happy, Joyous and FREE!!!!!!!