The Process of a Miracle.

Have you heard of it???

Such things like…..

One more time.
I know, but.
It will be different this time.

Fuck it.

Those were my last words before I made the decision to pick up smoking again. I’m annoyed at myself that I am allowing these little rolled up tobacco sticks to have me feel so powerless, but I also know that beating myself up over my first attempt and failure is counterproductive as well.

The first day was pretty easy, weird, but easy.
The second day, the mind started racing and I became acutly aware of the absence of my favorite little friend. Suddenly it seemed stange to drink coffee with out my companion, how do I drive and not smoke.

How do I do anything without smoking?????

Smoking has been such a part of my life for so many years that to live without it, feels strange, unatural, almost as if there is this uncomfortable feeling that “something” is missing from each and every one of my daily activities. After I walked two miles, moved the lawn, planted some flowers, went food shopping, got dinner ready, raked out some leaves….finally I gave in and said it.

Fuck it.

My will crumbling beneath the weight of my obsession to smoke. I’m going to try again, and try again and try again, until I can say with the utmost confidence.

I am a non-smoker.