My mind is a storehouse for events of the past; of memories that could be considered both good and bad. I do my best on a daily basis to allow the good to overflow, but when the bad tends to surface I also take a moment to pull what positive aspects I can from it.
Every now and then something triggers a moment in time, a feeling of the past, a sense of wonder of all that is around me.
This weekend Tim and I will be hosting an all day event with some of our closest friends, that are all willing participants in the process of change. I feel so fortunate that I get to watch people like myself that have struggled in the worst of struggles and who have been experts at destroying their lives, take upon the opportunity to actively rework all aspects of themselves in order to become more then the limits of their haunted pasts.
It’s an amazing thing to see people come back to life.
Others have had the experience of watching me change and grow from the self-centered, lying, stealing, junkie I was, into the woman I am today; who resembles little or nothing of who I had allowed myself to become through my active addiction.
As I continue to become more; on this path of self-discovery I find fellow travelers in this journey called life.
Most of this week has been consumed with getting the menu in order, straightening up and just doing all the little things in preparation for the crowd that will be attending on Saturday. Monday has quickly turned into Thursday and there is still much to be done.
Yesterday, I worked in my garden weeding. I paused to take a moment to look upon the rainbow of colors it has grown into; feeling a sense of accomplishment for the beauty that emerged from the proper care of love, sunshine and water. Stepping back, I watched as the painted blue of the afternoon sky swirled into the lavender twilight as the sun began to sink it’s tired self into the shadowy horizon and night fell down upon the world.
As day met night they mingled for a moment before saying goodbye.
I looked above, to watch the stars appear one by one as they prepared themselves for their waltz across the universe. I couldn’t help losing myself to the moment as I watched the darkness come alive. I stood on my front lawn staring down the length of my street, mesmerized by the flickers of light all around me as the fireflies began their evening dance in the hot humid shadows of the night.
I became lost for a moment in time, transported back to this time last year when a single lonely light of a firefly in the darkness of the morning helped me to remember that it was safe to believe again; that my hopes and dreams were mine, and that above all else that anything was possible, once I made the decision it was.
As I looked all around me again I understood that there would be more to be revealed, more to be experienced and more to learn as I continued down the path I was on.
Flickers of light.
Moments in time.
Memories of life.
Of who I have been, who I have become and who I am becoming as I allow this life to unfold before me in a spectacular display of the love and laughter that each moment bursts with. Hundreds of glowing green embers floating around me, appearing then reappearing; as my past self met my future self in the moments between each flicker.
A safe and comforting feeling that can only be experienced in the moments of awe that danced in the spaces of life all around me.
Nudging me.
Guiding me.
Showing me.
The path of flickering light that would lead me on this journey home to who I am becoming.
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