The Process of a Miracle.

Today is simply one of those days that pulls from the past, a moment in time of who I used to be. I often wonder if enough time will ever pass in which I feel completely and totally safe from the effects of the actions I displayed throughout my active addiction.

I know that the things I may have done while I was active are in no way shape or form a reflection of who I am today, but yet I am realistic enough to understand that things I have done…

I will always be judged by.

A piece of my past that has the capacity to allow someone to form an opinion of me based upon who I have been and not who I now am….it sucks.

But it’s mine, I can’t change what I did.
I can never erased the event.
I can never say I didn’t do it.

Because I did…and it’s mine.
But I changed….I know I have.

The way that I live on a daily basis is living proof of the power of change that is available for those who make a conscious decision to be more then the limits of who they have been. Whatever I have done, whatever I continue to do, will always have the capacity to be diminished by the actions of my active addiction.

So what can I do, how do I accept this and continue to move forward?

Step by step…fully and honestly.

I did what I did.
It harmed others.
It harmed me.

And it changed the course of my life onto this path of self-discovery I now travel. It has allowed me to not judge others so harshly for the wrongs they may commit, because I know that I do not wish to be condemned by my past, although at times I will

It keeps me on my toes and allows me to never forget the power I have within me to be a destructive force and also allows me the opportunity to choose to be more then the limits that some may wish to keep me in.

Because I know of the capacity to change the reflection of my past.

I often wonder if the day will ever come in which the reflection of who I used to be, will no longer have the power to taint my present day with the actions of my past. Will that freedom ever be something I will have or will this always be a part of my past that will always re-appear?

I want to believe that in this life I will one day have the opportunity to re-define this aspect of my life, like I have done with so many other areas; but am unsure how this can or will ever occur. I know that my willingness to be more that a low-down junkie has allowed me to discover the truth that I am more then that simple label….

And more then words could ever have the capacity to define fully.

If you enjoyed this post you may also enjoy the following……….

~The Process of Becoming
~The Spaces In-Between
~Love Falling
~Magic Shoes
~Simply Beautiful
~ It takes Courage